Boundaries and Relationships
There are some basic steps that you can walk through whenever or wherever you find yourself in a relational conflict.
- Problem Recognition — You must first recognize that there is a problem and commit to resolving it; which typically involves taking responsibility for the problem and a commitment to change on the part of yourself and others.
- Identify the specific boundary problem — Next you must identify the real issue and feel secure talking about the issue. Often, we feel we have been used or violated in some fashion we do not feel free to talk about it. Why? Well, there are those old things called:
- Trace the origins of the conflict — There are two aspects to this that are time dependent:
- Long Term — you may want to work with a counselor to identify where the conflict may have its roots or origins. Don't rule out the possibility that this present situation is a part of a life pattern, that has its roots in your formative years.
Guilt - don't want them to think I'm selfish or ungrateful.
Fear - what they will say; how will they react
Feelings - hurt; imbalance of power
Don't want to admit that we have allowed ourselves to be used - maybe even duped